Asshole

Richard wrinkled his nose in disgust as an awful stench drifted over to him as he sat watching late night TV.  Covering his nose he then heard what appeared to be a muffled trumpet and soon after the smell grew stronger and much more pungent. Waving his hand to waft away the smell Richard stood up to investigate what could be making that repulsive odour, it was only when he stood up and heard a toilet flush that he realised what it was. Standing just behind the door frame, Richard watched as his new roommate exited their shared bathroom. Richard had been forced to find someone new on short notice and the only person he could find was this disgusting slob. Richard stared with revulsion as the chubby, smelly man plodded back to his bedroom; the slob pulled his poor stained green briefs from his buttcrack before slamming the door behind him.

Richard held his breath as he peered into the bathroom but even that wasn’t good enough, the almost demonic smell of shit wafted into his nose and made him stifle a gag. Richard’s anger bubbled inside him and green smoke begun creeping towards him as he looked on at the mess his new roomie had caused. It appeared that one flush was not good enough for the monstrous sized turds that now clogged the bowl. Rage and nausea clouded Richard’s judgement as he stared at the unnatural amount of waste; the stench burned his eyes as it drifted from the stained toilet. It had only been two days and already Richard’s home was starting to look like a pigsty, dirty clothes cluttered the living room, unwashed dishes and fast food containers were scattered around the kitchen, a distinct smell of B.O drifted from his new roomies bedroom and now the slob had destroyed his toilet and forever infused its walls with the almighty, vile stench. While Richard had to share his home, he wouldn’t have it treated like a dump, with a clenched fist he marched towards his chubby lodger’s room.  On his way he spoke loudly to make sure the slob heard, but unfortunately for Richard so did the trickster.

“What kind of asshole would make such a revolting mess?!” Richard shrieked, but before he could continue his tirade and before he could bang on the door green smoke encircled him and with the stench of crap in his nose, Richard fell into unconsciousness.

When Richard did wake up he felt extremely strange, he was in total darkness, his head felt like it was three times bigger and his mouth felt like it was in a tight pout. Richard groaned and tried to move his mouth; he must have been knocked out by the disgusting smell and passed out in his hallway. However as Richard went to sit up and yawn he found out very quickly that it now seemed impossible. In the darkness Richard found that he could no longer see or feel the rest of his body and he begun to panic, he tried to move his legs but he felt nothing, he tried to move his arms but still he felt nothing, he even tried to wiggle his toes but he felt no response. It was only when he tried to move his head and his mouth that he got a reaction but it was not the reaction he wanted. With his head he could only manage the smallest of shakes and once he did his head seemed to wobble, like it was unstable causing quite an unpleasant feeling, but was worse was his mouth. When Richard tried to move his mouth he found that with great effort he could open it only half an inch and then it would slam shut. Richard was frantic as he tried to make sense of what had happened to his body, had he knocked his head when he fell? Was he now paralysed from the neck down? Was he dying, did he need urgent medical attention?! Richard’s brain was going haywire until like a switch; Richard’s sense of smell was turned on and instantly he wailed in distress.

Richard cried out in worry as the ghastly stench odour flooded his senses, it was obvious what he smelt, he had endured it just before he had passed out, it was his roommate’s shit but now it was much, much stronger. Richard felt his mind spinning as the overpowering smell clogged up his brain, how was it possible for there to be a smell this bad?! Richard moaned as he realised that he must have passed out right next to the foul, blocked toilet and now he couldn’t move or escape it. Richard wailed as he tried to shout to his slobby roommate for help but no sound came out from his tightly pursed lips and his huge wobbling head did nothing for the nausea he was experiencing. Richard was desperate as he tried anything to help himself as the smell just seemed to be getting worse and his body was still not responding. Richard just had to pray that soon his roomie would wake up and find him but he didn’t know if he could last much longer before passing out. However, Richard was offered a glimmer of hope as the glow of light suddenly appeared at the bottom of his vision, at first Richard was scared but quickly he realised that it was just the morning light slowly filtering into his home and offering him some insight into what had happened to him. Richard looked forward and tried to ignore the smell as what was in front of him was illuminated. Richard at first was happy to see a pair of legs in front of him but that happiness quickly shifted to anxiety as Richard realised that the legs he saw were facing the wrong way and that they weren’t his.

Richard looked on in curiosity and dread as more of what he saw became clear in the morning light. His vision was obscured on both sides by something large and hairy but what he did see confused and scared him, there in front of him was a pair of chubby backwards facing legs and feet. Richard looked around panic and tried to move the limbs in front of him but still they didn’t respond, he then moved his head and this time he saw what was obscuring his vision wobble too meaning that they were part of his head. Richard was becoming increasingly agitated and frightened as the situation was making less and less sense to him. It was then a loud, daunting rumble echoed throughout Richard’s head, causing him to yelp in fright. Richard was petrified as the rumbling grew louder and longer as it seemed to be getting closer to him. Richard snivelled and sobbed as an abrupt feeling of pressure appeared and grew stronger as did the rumbling. Until eventually the pressure became too great and with a painful scream from Richard, his mouth burst open and unleashed a long loud spluttering fart.

Richard was hysterical as the gas finished erupting from his mouth and the new taste and smell of fresh fart coated his senses. Shrieks and cries were all Richard could manage as the dirty, foul smell collected around him and didn’t seem to go. To make matters worse Richard could already feel the pressure building again and finally he worked out what had happened to him. Hysterical Richard pleaded to the universe to help him. “PLEASE NO, ANYTHING BUT THIS. PLEASE SOMEBODY I CAN’T DO IT AGAIN. NOOOOOOOOOOO” Richard wailed as another booming, explosive, shit smelling fart burst through his lips. All Richard could do was cry as his pleas went ignored and at the prospect of his new fate, his new fate as his chubby roommate’s asshole.

Ivan yawned and smiled as his pushed and released one of his deadly morning farts, he really shouldn’t have eaten those curries for lunch and those burritos for dinner. That mistake soon came back to haunt Ivan as a sudden urge washed over him and quickly he stood up, Ivan only had time to put a t-shirt on before he couldn’t hold it back any more and with a painful gurgle a barrage of farts shot out of his sore little asshole, making the whole room stink of shit.

Ivan had to run to the toilet, not even seeing his previous night’s turds he slammed his fat ass down. While Ivan only heard monstrous farts and thuds of his giant turds, the trickster laughed; Richard’s screams were music to his ears.